Soon you will be able to see a Motivational Biography book (or parts thereof) on this pageA Step Back in time with a view in how we have become responsible for our own being



"Life in it's real form"


“A closer look at pre-conditioning and real life events” 


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By the Author:  Nico D.E.




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At first;

We Crawl, We Walk,  We Think, We Talk, We make choices before we Create, and then have to live with it!



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Introduction

Nico D.E

How building blocks  of character has shaped and reshaped his mindset to the form in which this energetic novel express life in its reality

Born in difficult times in August 1962, in an eminently deprived and neglected suburb close to Johannesburg (as it once was named), this youngster gave his first steps into an insecure, unknown and strange world which will have an immeasurable emotional impact on his life.

Combined with extensive research in fields of  modern technologies, Books, inspirational speakers and real life experiences, Nico has embarked on a energetic mission extremely important to him, in sharing with people the very importance of character building  and the fantastic effect it can have in your own life, your loved ones and others around you.

Nico's inspiration in compiling this book comes from spending a lifetime observing people’s behavior from the thinking, the talking, the physical actions and the end results of family, friends and colleagues.

With his revolutionary positive and energetic outlook towards life, Nico has adopted a humble fact that a person is never to old to learn from others in various situations, positions and diverse capacities. This book is also dedicated to my belated and wonderful father, Manus Esterhuizen whom has done what he thought is best for his family.

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Contents

1.              Born with the instinct to survive, not knowing what is right or wrong (our past)

2.                Realising there is a real world (questions and answers that shape our thinking and early lifestyles)

3.                 Making choices which makes or brakes (the unexplainable years)

4.                  Adulthood; How we evolve based on choises

5.                  Marriage; The pro's and con's

6.                  Divorce; why does it happen

7.               Deal with your mistakes and shortcomings

8.                About Children; a lifeline, passion and reason to live

9.                Conclusion

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1. Born with the instinct to survive, not knowing what is right or wrong (growing up)

The morning air still polluted with smoggy, thick, black smoke escaping from many chimneys in Hill street Montclair, the suburb is awaking to another eventful day.  

It’s was a cold winters day somewhere in the mid sixties, where two toddlers (a girl and a boy) holding on desperately to cold, empty steel water buckets running behind a brown, very old neglected horse pulling heavily on a  wooden farm cart (in desperate need of attention). The cart loaded with big old roughly stitched, material black bags filled with pitch black coal, was in the process of being offloaded to some families who could barely afford it.

Of coarse the kids kept their distance from the tired, sweaty, hard working labourers running in and out diminutive yards dropping off sacks of coal, whilst collecting the empty old sacks from the coal storage section in the yards. This causes a lot of coal looting with huge benefits at the time to the poor. Part of other kids, we too were picking up coal scarps which we find scattered, as part of fun running behind a horse and also just because others were doing the same.

With the horse and wagon gone, the two kids with running noses, pitch black shivering hands and dirty clothing headed back to show off their findings to mom.

Those were fun days, days with little to worry about as we did not know better, could not understand, could not judge, hate or blame. The only think that mattered was to adhere to our father’s rules, to eat, sleep and start the same day over and over.

Only later we began to understand that although we had some nice memorable moments of some holidays in Durban, family visits and so on, we have grown up surrounded by hardship, sadness and sometimes extreme poverty. For the few which had cars around us (my dad included) always had car trouble. It was never strange to see mothers, children and sometimes maids pushing cars up and down the roads in our area.

Still feeling the rusted body of my dad’s old 1957 Volkswagen Beetle under my palms, I recall the many times my sister and I had to help my mother to push this and other cars as there was simply not enough money to maintain cars in this particular area, or anything else for that matter.

There was of course the unmistakable domestic violence daily, which goes hand in hand with poverty living. What has left scares in our lives is the unprecedented abuse of woman in those days. Most children and animals were badly neglected and I recall the utter disrespect in which most kids were talked to and being treated.

Yet again, this at the time seemed pretty normal as it happened almost everywhere and on a daily basis, with the exception of a handful.

Finding quiet times I cannot help thinking back, still surprised in how life appears when you grow up in such despair. For those whom have grown up in a similar situation, you will recall that by crying over anything, such as toy’s, being hurt or even being sad was simply not tolerated for long.

Punishment for children during the sixties, seventies and possibly the early eighty’s was relatively severe. Most mothers, including mine, were on always on alert and put under tremendous pressure from ignorant and merciless husbands.

Drunk, angry and sometimes sober husbands beating their wives were common and the severe verbal abuse was the order of most days, especially on Fridays, which were mostly horrific with high tension as the drinking will begin all over again, follows with the common abuse.

Although my own dad has died with dignity and with more respect than most people I knew, he and his two brothers were very much in the same league as mentioned above, with the exception that they always had a dream to one day move up in life. I remember the discussions and motivating ideas between the brothers in how they anticipated to change their circumstances, which did not happen soon.

With this said, my two cousins, Jannie, Andre and I have since an early age felt and seen the fury of our dads and in particular the older brother of the three (which today I love dearly and see him as my second dad).

What was right and what was wrong? This statement was only an elution then. What felt like hours of horror is when I was called into the room by the angry, frustrating voice of my dad, many times not even sure of what I have done. My dad in anger will spew out “something” which I supposedly had done and countless times I never had the opportunity to explain or to defend myself whilst feeling the leather belt all over my body and legs. In fact, I was simply too frightened to say anything.

My biggest fear during these sessions was that red, blue and sometimes lacerations were showing on my skinny bare legs, which led to many embarrassing moments during my primary school days.

My wonderful, understanding and tiny mother would do all in her power to stop these punishments, sometimes to more personal abuse and violence.

My two cousins was exposed to the same or even worse situations, with them being punched with a fist from time to time and chased out of their house without lunch and dinner.

Today we are all laughing about this during family gatherings and visits.

Some particular  events happened more than others, such as the ongoing car repairs which I thought my dad and his brothers were having a competition in who can dismantle and assemble their cars the most, to the terror of me and my cousins.

Knowing as much as we do today about cars, general welding, electrical, mechanical and many other maintenance works around the house has come from days and nights lying with our dads under their cars holding a flash light or handing tools to frustrated fathers.

Assisting our dads has hardly ever gone without a slap against the head, a swearword here and there and sometimes just chased away because you are being seen as useless.

Was this survival for our kids? Yes, we had to find ways of dealing with the blows, verbal and physical abuse because our anger, disappointments, back chats and sadness were never tolerated. We always had to be on guard and ready to assist our dads, no matter how we felt.

One event will always remain with me; my dad had done welding work after hours and during weekends for friends and others in the form of security doors, bugler bars, etc. I always had to be present to hold pieces of steel for my dad and or to hand over tools as and when needed. This day I was standing bare feet on concrete holding two sections of steel whilst my dad welded them together. An electric shock penetrated my body and I had to let go of the steel.

This resulted in a blow to my head and I were told that if I let go again there will be more trouble that I could ever imagine. In tears I had to bare the shocks in fear of my dad. The same has happened numerous times with both my cousins.

Whilst reading this book, you must be thinking that our dads were evil and full of hate?

No, this was not the case. Much later we understood that most of what has happened to us was done because many people then, especially men, did not have the knowledge, depth and/or understanding of what precisely was wrong or right. By listening in how they were brought up, I know that we have had it relatively ok.

We were most certainly not an isolated case, and in no way worse off than our neighbours and other friends. This was the way of living in our neighbourhood. We all are born with the instinct to survive; not knowing what is right or wrong at the time if everything around you looks the same and “appears” normal.

During this book you will ask yourself, who am I really, are you doing enough for your kids or are you doing too much? what and when is enough? What will be the outcome you might ask?

I will later discuss the many questions we all have and also the effects my growing up years had during my lifespan . We will further discuss the devastating outcome of mistakes we make as adults with heartbreaking effects on our children.

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Whatch this space for more..

Only 10 more pages will be shown on this page. Hereafter I should have enough comments, criticism, advice and guidance to either continue or to leave this book……